So drunk, too bad you don't want this
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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