You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
