I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
