i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
