i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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