Where are you?
In a non slutty way
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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