THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
