I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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