I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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