Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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