tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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