Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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