I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
