I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
