Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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