she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
