carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
