You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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