U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
