you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
