I am in a vortex of obligation.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
