And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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