what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
