who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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