I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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