Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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