That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
