Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
