Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
