i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
