I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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