Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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