I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
