yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
