youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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