New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
