why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
