My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
