Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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