Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
