So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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