I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
