Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
