After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
