Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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