I wish I could teleport
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
