it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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