Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
