found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
