that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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